The Ballad of the Flaming Laguna*
by
Tom Pamperin
*(for you Marty Robbins fans,
this can be sung to the tune
of “Down in the West Texas Town of El Paso”)
Down in the
south Texas town of Port Mansfield
Andrew Linn built a cheap lugsail-rigged boat.
Though she was hot pink and looked crude and ugly,
There was some hope that for now she might float.
He hoisted
the sails and away they did go,
Faster than other boats sail;
Running and reaching,
Each night safely beaching
(Though giving her crew lots of water to bail).
It’s the fast
Hot pink
Boat named El Sinko,
The flaming Laguna,
Sailing her way to a fiery fate.
Probably not quite the safest boat out there,
But when you sail her you’ll never be late.
Now tacking
her way up the channel she comes,
Just back the foresail and spin her around.
Dodging the shrimp boats, the piers and the pylons
(Sure is a miracle she ain’t aground).
It’s the fast
Hot pink
Boat named El Sinko,
The flaming Laguna,
Sailing closehauled and at full speed—avast!
Didn’t quite see that this dock had an overhead;
Look out below, they just lost the fore mast!
The skipper
he launches a blue-streak tirade
Unequalled in maritime lore;
The helmsman he quivers in fear at his rage,
For he’s sure he’ll be knocking on Death’s gnarly door.
But some
screws and a board and she’s good as she ever was
(Not that it’s saying a lot, I admit);
Still, as we leave other boats far behind us,
I’d have to say that El Sinko’s the shit.
Faster than
fast and still faster we fly,
Up the ship channel we pass.
The ferries all hog her,
It’s like playing Frogger,
One little mistake, it’ll sure be our last
On the fast
Hot pink
Boat named El Sinko,
The flaming Laguna,
Sailing her way to a fiery doom;
Cheap AC plywood and pink latex house paint,
Polytarp sails and a two-by-two boom.
And it’s on
to Magnolia Beach that they sailed her,
Ran her aground at the height of her fame.
El Sinko’s a sweet girl,
A poor man’s pink Sea Pearl.
Now douse her with gas and we’ll set her aflame.
No more fast
Hot pink
Boat named El Sinko,
The flaming Laguna,
Burn her to ashes and watch the glow fade
Till nothing is left but a drilled-penny washer,
My sole souvenir from the fastest boat made.
R.I.P. El Sinko
June 21,
2010 – June 26, 2010
